On Waiting

The process while you wait is often more important than the thing you’re waiting for. -John Ortberg

The very word waiting drives me insane. I am not a patient person. Not even close. I read 3/4 of the instructions and then begin. Listen to half of an idea and am already asking when can I start. I look at the day and think how many things can I get done…fast. It’s not just accomplishing tasks it’s doing it fast that energises me.

There are many positives to this way of life. I have jumped in and started projects and jobs where others hesitated. I have accomplished numerous tasks in record time. I have overcome fear because my drive just to get going was greater than my fear. Unfortunately there is a downside to my impatience. I started projects and jobs I never should have began. I missed crucial details in my hurry to “just get going.” I have overran very smart analytical logical thinkers in a plan that would have benefited greatly from waiting just a little bit longer. Lack of patience has its dark side and its strengths, like most things in life.

The worst part of waiting is waiting though. When you really want the new job. When you’re desperate for a relationship to be healed. When you need a breakthrough in your financial situation that seems to be crushing you. When you long for a baby or a healthy marriage. When you want chocolate but want to lose that extra weight more. When you want to just feel better or have your current season end. It’s tough. It takes so much energy to wait.

While I’m feeling much better like I have said, our current circumstances haven’t changed. My husband is still in the most competitive year of his life not knowing whether Medical School begins next year or in 3 years. I still need to work part time and now need a new job by the end of October including sorting out child care for my son. We need a lot of money August 4 and I’m not totally sure where that is going to come yet. I still miss my friends who know me well. I still hate the cold and never ending winter in our city.

Waiting is hard. Medical School is a long arduous process for my husband and me. Somedays all I can do is wait, knowing that wether we are waiting or not life happens. In five years my husband will be a doctor at the end or that five years will just pass us by. I would rather wait knowing there is something at the end. I guess that’s called hope. Hope goes hand in hand with waiting. Both are incredibly difficult and can make you crazy with fear. Patience isn’t my strong suit. But in the midst of waiting in life I’m learning to use my impatience to make plans, move our family forward, look for jobs and actively wait. The last few years had hard moments, and now I’m so thankful for feeling a bit better. But I think the process of waiting to feel better was worth the thing I was actually waiting for…maybe even more than feeling better. So waiting stinks. I hate it. I wish I never had to wait. I can’t deny though, the good that is often produced in waiting. It’s the only thing that makes it worth it. The sweet taste of that new and perfect job. That healed and stronger relationship. That love you never knew existed. The abundance of finances that surprises you. The dress you never thought you would fit. That child you hold in your arms. It’s all worth it. Even the miserable part of waiting.

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