Showing Up

A year ago I never would have pictured my life the way it is.

In two weeks and two days my husband will be finished with the most competitive year of his university experience. Final Exams start in 9 days and he’s walking into all of them with A’s! He’s not just awesome, but incredibly brave and a very smart worker. He’s figured out how to study and learn the information and test well. His personality is such that he excels as he goes. He starts slow then kills it at the end. After eighteen straight months of studying, worrying, reading, doing labs and equations, working on school work most weekend nights and endless tutoring sessions he’s almost done.

In a few short weeks he will receive his grades and then receive the most anticipated letter of all the medical school hopefuls: You are in! While I won’t get a grade at the end I do have to say I feel like I have been in my own kind of school. Learning happens all around us, but some times you don’t get a grade to show it. I, too was a slow starter eighteen months ago. I started with a bang and a roar then quickly fell apart wondering if I would make it. Now just days away from exams I’m okay. I have figured this out for the moment. Life isn’t perfect. Daylight savings has kicked my butt and I’m beyond exhausted. I still don’t have a job lined up, the one that fell through is most likely really gone and that makes me so sad, in three weeks we both need paychecks or we won’t have any income. But…and here’s the thing, it’s the “but” that makes all the difference, I’m not falling apart. I’m enjoying this life. I had medical students over last night helping them with communication skills for one of their practical exams, I have multiple medical school acting jobs in the next couple of weeks, and my husband and I like each other.

I actually can’t believe he’s at the end and we are through the first big chunk. I’m so grateful I’m feeling better, and love feeling like the me I want to be not the me covered in emotion and depression. This year I’m beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin, more chilled out and more fun to be around. My eighteen months have looked so different from my husband’s hard but man I’m glad we both keep showing up in our own individual hards and learning everything we possibly can this year and half. Showing up is often the most wise and spiritual thing we can do. I’m glad now I kept showing up and I’m SO proud of my husband that he showed up when grades were lower than he wanted, information was hard and overwhelming and seemingly impossible to learn and when the stress was so palpable it seemed to hover over him like a cloud. Showing up makes all the difference in the world.

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