I haven’t added my thoughts to the ongoing conversation/arguments on the World Vision situation (another look here as well) in America because I was at a loss as to what to say. I am not an author. I am not a public speaker. I don’t have a following. I am not “known.” And I hate criticism and mean comments on the internet. Why would I need to add my two cents?
Yet I cannot shake what has happened. I keep telling myself it is ludicrous that this 30 something mom/wife/medschool wife at the bottom of the world should be grieving about some explosive Christian happenings in the States, but I am. Grieving makes no sense, though here I am driving around sad. Walking through the grocery store mad. Going through the motions at work wondering if “they” know what has happened and I am one of “them.” At the same time I am utterly at a loss as to what to do now, so I have just sat in the emotion and thoughts. To catch you up if you don’t want to read the links, a couple of weeks ago World Vision made a statement that they would employ people in same sex marriages. Then they quickly retracted that. It was brutal in cyber space. I couldn’t make sense of how I felt. I just knew that the overarching feeling was saddness. One of my go to authors wrote an article for CNN entitled How Evangelicalism Won a War and Lost a Generation. I identified with her in so many ways. Regardless of what I believe, which I choose to not share here, I am absolutely saddned by the behaviour that has transpired. And it is simply not black and white. People are hurt, children lost support (10,000), some of the gay and lesbian community are angered and hurt, and people made a point/took a stand/won a war on what they believed. At what cost though did all this happen?
I confess that I love church. In fact I love my church in the current city we live, it is a breath of fresh air after a long season. I have also been deeply hurt by people in authority in churches and so wounded I thought I would never go back. Yet I did. I have always felt safe in church. I get the church, the church gets me. Don’t get me wrong we fight. We wrestle. I piss people off and hurt people while I am at, but It is a part of my story and I am so incredibly thankful for the churches that I have been a part of over the years. I understand that this is not the case for everyone. I know that for some the church is NOT safe. The church is not a place to be known or loved. The church is not a place to go because it seems to always have to “take a stand and prove a point.” Perceived or true that is how it feels and looks sometimes. And again I ask at what cost?
It is those thoughts that have always motivated me when I worked for and volunteered for churches. How can I add value and safety to the church so people can encounter God? I just knew that if they saw God and that He loved them no matter what the other stuff might not matter. But the reality is the other stuff does matter. And it should. Why? Because God cares about the details. If it matters to you it matters to Him. If you are sad He sees you and cries with you. If you are excited He is a proud dad. If I believe that God is in the details and cares about the details then these conversations and situations actually matter. A whole lot.
So I am sad tonight. I have been sad for two weeks. I am not sure if I fall into this camp or this one, or either one for that matter, but I am sad. I don’t think we have counted the cost or the stand we feel so desperate to take, on both sides of the argument. I want to be indentified with Jesus, not Jesus’ followers tonight, just Jesus. I am sorry to those of you that are offended by what has happened. I ask you to forgive me for being in the same group as those that were hateful and chose a stand over a child. I am sorry mostly to those of you who aren’t surprised at all by any of the reactions of Christians through this war. Try getting to know Jesus. Maybe for awhile stop looking at his followers and check him out. When all is said and done the only rule he gave us was love God and love each other. It didn’t seem that hard…