Exams

So have you ever had so many thoughts you actually don’t know where to start in recording/writing them down? Yeah me too. I have probably written 8 blogs for you all, but they just haven’t made sense or didn’t feel right. That is very odd for me. I’m very much the person that learns as I write, grows as I share in vulnerability and thinks raw is better than perfection. There have been so many headlines that have fired me up, circumstances that have lent themselves to learning and just plain stupidity airheadness that you all should have the privilege of laughing with me and at me, yet I can’t seem to write a coherent essay.

Much of that could be due to what’s going on in me. There’s more of me I’ve been able to discover by learning what I don’t want to do lately. The last 18 months I have had the opportunity to have new roles, new jobs, privileged places in others lives and experiences I never knew I wanted. That left me spinning for a good 12 months. Now six months into not spinning but still not settled I’m okay with not knowing exactly what I want to do or what I want to be when I grow up. Mainly because I’m now sure of a few things I never want to do.

That process has been private and internal for me, a very strange new stage and I’m kind of liking it. While I have some dreams and goals starting to verbalise in me I’m still not sure. But this is what I am sure of

Depression meds were the best thing I ever did! Hands down! Not even kidding!
Laughing really does make life better
My husband is one of the bravest people I know
It really is okay to just do a job for a paycheck as long as you remember you were created uniquely and with purpose & have something this world needs.
Living powerful with healthy boundaries is awesome!
All those things in my 20’s that stressed me out weren’t really that big of a deal (oh how I wish I could write a letter to my 20 something self! Aye ya yae that girl was a pious stress case!)
Relationship is harder than rules & routines & schedules but it is so much more worth it.

I guess I should mention we are in exam season. And you know what?!? No one is melting down. Stress is abundant for my hubby & his colleagues but no melt downs. To be clear I mean no melt downs by me not my 3 year old. If you remember I never really handle exams well. 3 years, 6 exam seasons and some
growing up has made a huge difference, plus I think the meds help too!

You never really know where life is going to take you but man I’m glad I actually let go a little and went on this wild ride. The unexpected has been incredible!

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