One Week. 

One week out. I noticed the other day that I was so close to exams and I have not thrown any forks or had a major melt down. Winning. I have not made dinner in days…well I can’t actually remember the last time I made dinner. We eat. Every night we eat, but I can’t do everything. Live your strengths I say. My strength is not dinner. Or cooking in general. We get nutrients in us (thank you Emily and IT Works!) but shopping, planning, cooking and cleaning up. It’s just all too much adulting for me. 
Sometimes I just have to focus on what I’m good at. I’m not good at house wifey stuff. I get zero joy out of homemaking. My husband doesn’t have a doting wife that does everything for him, but he does have a partner that loves and believes in him. Seeing this isn’t my first rodeo, I think this concept is why I’m staying on the proverbial horse in this rodeo. I stopped trying to be good at all the things. I wish I loved cooking and cleaning, but when I tried to do it all I stopped being great at what I was great at. I became all over mediocre. If you know me well, you know that this is my personal hell. Mediocre and average are not okay. I firmly believe everyone is great at something. If you are or feel you are or have been told you are average or mediocre give me 2 months with you and I will help you discover that is a lie and you are great at something the world needs. So when I was living average I crumbled. I was angry and resentful and just kind of miserable. Now I unapologetically embrace I’m not a good cook. We joke about the times my husband has thrown away my dinner or not allowed me to send a made dinner to our homeless ministry. Maybe this is why there have been no outrageous melt downs or fights. Maybe I have more that I am conquering and striving for. Maybe we are finding the rhythm of us. Tonight as my son and I played I received a phone call and was desperate to run in the office and tell my husband. We talk about everything, all day long, all the things. To some that know my husband and how introverted he is that might seem weird, but the secret to introverts is giving them space to talk, I have learned this in the last seven years and now we can’t go a few hours without talking. So to wait was agonising, but again this isn’t my first rodeo. I trusted and respected the study process and let him come out before I shared. Deep breaths. We are getting there. But as for now I say we are winning. One week from today exams begin. It’s brutal. It’s more pressure than I can fathom. It’s draining. It’s admirable to see how hard he works. He is more brave than anyone I know. He looks fear in the eye and does it anyway. He will not settle for mediocre or average. As exams approach, a huge move approaches, details beyond what my mind can grasp approach I’m okay. We are okay. We are starting to figure this rodeo out. If you’re the praying type pray for my husband as he carries the weight of exams. If you think good thoughts, think good thoughts for our family. See you on the other side folks! 

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